Women Building:The Blueprint

Every wise woman builds her house; but the foolish plucks it down with her hands. ~Proverbs 14:1

In this series I am talking about what the verse above states...a woman who is wise builds up but a foolish one tears down. It was important to me though, before getting to the meat of what the Lord showed me about how we can build up rather than tear down, that I touch upon a few basics. What is "basic" to one may be very new and not-so-basic to another and I don't want to take for granted that someone reading understands what I'm talking about! In the last post we talked about laying down a solid foundation. If you missed it, you can read it HERE. 

Today I want to talk about the blueprint we are given for building. Every good and wise builder uses plans when he builds. A blueprint is simply a "detailed plan of action"and tells the builder everything he needs to know about the structure he is working on from the layout to materials. As women who are desiring to wisely build up we too need to have a detailed plan of action if we want to be successful in our building. So where do we go?  I go to God's Word, the Bible. In it you will find all the information you will need to build successfully and you will also find out how you can be foolishly tearing down! Too often we think we can be self-sufficient and do this thing called life on our own...and maybe we can. But I believe if you want to successfully build up your life and the lives of those around you it is imperative that you turn to God and search His Word, our blueprint, for a detailed plan of action. 

One thing as I talk with ladies that I hear pretty much from each of them is that finding time to be in God's Word daily and consistently is a challenge. And this crosses all age groups and seasons of life. What worked at one time in the life of a lady may not work anymore when circumstances change. I recently ran into this when one of my child's school schedule changed. My elementary school kids start school later but once they get to middle-school the time school starts is earlier and the school is farther away meaning a longer bus ride and much earlier pick up time. I was used to getting up early before any of the kids were up but with this change came the loss of that time because now I had a child to get up and get on a bus during the time I would normally use for reading in God's Word. I have continued to find it very challenging to find a time of day that works consistently for me to find that quiet time. I know I'm not alone in this. Over the years I have had wise women share with me different ways they have been successful in being in God's Word regularly...and the fruit of it is how  they are wisely building up their families and those around them. Here are a few things that I found to be gems of advice through the years:

1. Use night feedings as an opportunity to be in the Word. When Owen was a baby I was sharing with a more experienced mom how I was struggling to find the time to read my Bible every day. She could have been very critical and judgmental of me and pointed out all the ways I was foolishly using my time but instead she lovingly nodded her head in understanding and shared with me that she would use her night feedings with the babies to do her Bible reading. This made so much sense! It was the quietest time of day in a house with little children, no one to interrupt you and you had to be awake anyway to feed the baby so why not read. She even suggested writing some verses or passages of scripture on a note card and just meditating on the same verses for the week and allowing the Holy Spirit to speak in the silence. I don't know why I hadn't thought of doing that prior to our conversation but it turned out to be one of the best pieces of advice I received as a new mom. 

2. Feed your soul before you feed your stomach!  A few years ago I attended a Ladies Conference and the speaker was talking about being in the Word regularly. One thing she said that stood out to me and that I came home and implemented in my own life was how, if we are struggling to be in the Word consistently, to try disciplining ourselves to not eat anything until we have spent time feeding our soul with the Word of God. This was so practical and made so much sense! I can't say I have done this well every day since that time but overall it has helped me a lot to be in the Word more and reminded me how it is just as important, if not more so, to be fed from God's Word as it is to be fed with food. What is great about this advice is it not only places the priority on God rather than food but it also will likely cause you to do your Bible reading in the morning, at the start of your day...when we need it the most! I am not one to tell anyone that their Bible reading has to be done at a certain time of day but in my own life I know that when I start the day off with God I am going to be more successful in responding to my spouse, my children and the unexpected things that come up then if I neglect to spend time with God at the start of my day. 

3. Get Creative! Every season of life presents challenges. The mom of young children doesn't have it harder than the retired mother. The full-time working mom doesn't have it harder than the stay-at home-mom. The mom who homeschool's her children doesn't have it harder than the mom who sends her children to school. The unmarried lady doesn't have it harder than the married lady. EVERY life has challenges...the challenges just look different. One thing we need to stop doing as women is comparing our lives with each other. Because each of our lives is different and presents different obstacles, sometimes we need to get creative in how we spend time with God in His Word. Sometimes it's just reciting verses we have hidden in our heart and meditating on them when we are in the shower. Sometimes it's sitting down for 30 minutes each day, at the same time and reading the same amount of verses. Sometimes it's listening to the audio Bible on your commute. Sometimes it's reading between appointments on your smartphone Bible app. My point is that spending time in God's Word doesn't have to be the same for everyone. It's doesn't have to be a set amount of time, at the same time everyday. Your time in God's Word doesn't have to look like mine; what is important is that it is happening. Sometimes you have to get really creative in order to make it happen...and that's OKAY! Do you have creative ways you have implemented Bible reading into your day? I'd love to hear about it and I'm sure other reader's would too! 

If your desire is to be a woman who wisely builds other's up then you need to discipline yourself to be in God's Word regularly. Knowing what His Word says allows us to understand what He expects of us and then we can put that knowledge to use as we build. We are told in Psalm 19:7-8

The law of the Lord is perfect, converting the soul: the testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple.

The statutes of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart: the commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes.

Everything we read in God's Word is right and perfect and what we glean from it makes the simple wise. You cannot expect to be wisely building if you are neglecting your time with the master builder and allowing Him to instruct you. If you have never taken the time to do a word study on the words wise and foolish I would encourage you to spend some time in God's Word doing just that. It is amazing how much God has to say about these two traits. Do you have a detailed plan of action for how you will build wisely? If not, then start today and begin by going to God's Word and allow Him to teach and instruct you and give you the plans you need for successful building.

***Next we will talk about WHERE we should build!***

Women Builders: Laying the Foundation

Every wise woman builds her house: but the foolish

plucks it down with her hands. ~Proverbs 14:1

In my last post I mentioned how I was inspired to do a series because of a devotion I was asked to bring to a group of ladies. The above verse is the verse that was chosen as the theme of the banquet I was to speak at and I have spent the last year studying and meditating on this verse and all that it encompasses. What I learned is that every woman is a builder; and she is either building up or she is tearing down. Later in the series I want to talk about how we do just that and which tools we use to accomplish the task; first I think it is important for us to understand that before we can begin wisely building up we need a good foundation to build upon.

A few years ago my husband designed a garage addition and we had our contractor and his workers here for several months as they took his vision and made it a reality. The first thing they did though was lay down a foundation. If you've never had the opportunity to see a foundation go down, it's a really neat process to watch. There are many variables and things to take into consideration. The type of foundation you will lay depends on the kind of structure you are putting on it. Even the depth of the foundation will vary depending on soil conditions. It is (in my opinion) a very complicated and delicate process that requires knowledge and experience. The foundation is everything when building a structure. The mistakes you make in the foundation will only get worse as you go up. 

The same can be said when we are talking about building spiritually. The mistakes we make as we choose the foundation we will lay for our lives will have consequences. If we are attempting to build on anything other than a firm foundation we are foolish and can expect what we are building to crumble in the face of life's storms. A wise woman knows and believes that the only way to build wisely is to make Jesus Christ her foundation. We are told in I Corinthians 3:11:

For other foundation can no man lay than that is laid, 

which is Jesus Christ. 

We have a children's song we sing and it is a particular favorite in this house. It's about a wise man and a foolish man. The wise man builds his house on the rock and when the rain comes down, and the floods go up, the house on the rock stands firm. The foolish man, however, builds his house on the sand and when the rain comes down and the floods go up, the house on the sand goes "splat!". The song concludes with the moral of the story which is to build your life on the Lord Jesus Christ and as your prayers go up, the blessings will come down; so build your life on the Lord. If this message is something that is new to you then I encourage you to get into your Bible and read in Matthew 7 and see for yourself how this is Biblical truth, that if we want to be building wisely, we need to believe and understand!

Just as the solid foundation of a building guarantees a durable future for the structure, so does a solid foundation built upon Christ guarantee a durable future for our lives. What your foundation consists of is essential to the success of the building process. Take some time this week to read about what the Bible says about what our foundation should be and evaluate your life against what you learn. If you have changes to make then make them because it is never too late to begin laying a new, stronger foundation that will be able to withstand what comes your way!

***Next week we will talk about the blueprint for building and where it can be found!***

A Time to Slow Down

Being still is something that I need reminding of often! I am not one to sit around and do nothing, I don't relax well and I definitely like to keep myself busy. While this can be positive in so many ways in one very big way it negatively impacts my life and that is when it comes to knowing God. I very often have to be reminded to slow down and spend time quietly with the Lord. Why is it that I know it is only through Him that I can accomplish anything and only because of Him I have the strength to get through each day and yet I have to constantly be reminded to "be still and know God"? 

These past few months have been a whirlwind of crazy for me. Each thing I had on my plate were things I believed the Lord was in favor of me doing and were given to me by Him as opportunities to be used of Him, but they were also things that required a great deal of time, study and perseverance. I was recently able to finish up my last class, earning me my diploma in Biblical Counseling. Now I can take a breath for a little bit until I begin taking classes for the Masters Diploma and focus on marriage and family counseling in the fall. While I am really looking forward to beginning this program, I am also thankful for the break from 4:30 mornings of listening to lectures and writing paper after paper! 

I was also asked last year to speak at a ladies banquet but just before it was to begin it was cancelled because of a family emergency. They asked me to keep what I had prepared and save it for this year and I just recently came back from speaking at this banquet. In the year that I had to study the theme verse and seek the Lord as to what direction He wanted me to take with it I learned so much more about who God is, who He wants me to be and what changes needed to be made in my heart so that I could be better used of Him for His glory. I am so thankful that I was given an extra year to prepare because the devotional took many shapes and forms over the course of that year as the Lord spoke to my heart. It finally became clear to me what He wanted me to say, just weeks before I was scheduled to present it. There were a lot of sleepless nights as I wrestled with whether or not I was handling His word appropriately and if I was having the right heart attitude as I wrote it...and of course pridefully worrying if I would meet their expectations!

The Lord gave me insight into a verse that I had never really seen and I believe it will help me tremendously as I attempt to counsel women. Last year I didn't see the connection between the verse and what I felt the Lord leading me to do with my life but today I am confident He used it to give me a vision that will be valuable as I try to help people. I also want to share what the Lord has shown me and reminded me of here with you and I plan to do just that. There was no way I could have shared at this banquet all that the Lord showed me because the time just wasn't there. On the blog though I can really dive into the different things the Lord showed me and hopefully be a blessing and encouragement to those reading. My plan is to create a series titled, "Women Builders"...or something like that....and it will consist of different blog posts over several weeks.

I'm excited to finally begin working on this series and I pray that it will be as much a blessing to the reader as it was to me as I studied it. For this week though, I plan to "be still and know God" because I have neglected this too much over the last few weeks. I trust that you too will be able to find a quiet space this week and allow the Lord to speak to your heart and show you all the great things He wants to do in and through you...if you will let Him!

A Time for Senior Saints

The glory of young men is their strength: and the beauty of old men is the grey head. 

~Proverbs 20:29

Let me explain to you what you will see when you walk into our church, the church we've been
members of for 10 years now. You will find a few families in their 50's & 60's, you will see our family and then you will see what the Bible calls the "grey head" and what we call our "senior saints". The majority of our membership is in their 70's & 80's, and while for some young families that would send them looking for a different, younger church, for us we have come to understand the blessing of being members of a church such as ours. With our senior saints comes a wisdom from a lifetime of experience and advice from a lifetime of decision making. With our senior saints comes the history of the church and a world gone by. To be wise means to recognize the precious gift we have in these senior saints and to take advantage of their knowledge while we still can; it's to build relationships with them and allow them to teach us. So many of these senior saints have shared with me stories of when they were raising their families. They teach me to not take life or myself too seriously because life is too short for that. They teach me to appreciate the days I have with my children, even the hard ones, because the days are fleeting and when they're all gone I'll be longing for those days again. 

I would be foolish to tell them they are wrong because they have lived and I am just beginning to. To think I know better than them is foolish because they have experience I lack. To treat them as though they have nothing to offer me is foolish because in reality they have everything to offer me. Like their prayers for one. There are no prayer warriors more faithful then our senior saints. While some young families run from the "grey head", we have learned to see the beauty in it and to appreciate all they have to offer us, and our children.

Our children. To reflect on the relationship my children have built with the senior saints in our church causes me to well up. It has been such a beautiful thing to watch. Each of my children has built special bonds with certain senior saints in our church; they run up to them when they see them and

offer hugs, they beg to sit with them on Sunday evenings, they ask if we can please invite them to their birthday celebrations. I believe too many young people are lacking a relationship with this older generation. I am so close to my grandparents and it is hard for me now to live so far away from them. It is hard for me that my children rarely see their own grandparents because of the distance. The relationships my kids are building with our senior saints is making up for that though and they are blessed to have so many in our church who love on them like they were their own grandchildren. They pray for them, they want to know what their interests are, they ask them how school is going, they compliment them when they have a new haircut or outfit on, and they spoil them like crazy! In return my children commit to praying for our senior saints and send them pictures and letters throughout the year. They sit with them in church, when they don't have anyone else to sit with. And sometimes they have to say goodbye. 

That is the thing with belonging to a church with an aging generation. We have to say goodbye often and that can be very hard. Though we know we will see them again someday, we are sad because we miss them. Just a couple weeks ago we had to say goodbye to one senior saint who was such an encouragement to us. Some senior saints we have lost we think about on a daily basis, like Mrs. E. We have had to say goodbye (or see ya later, actually!) to 2-3 of these precious saints a year for the past 5 or so years now. As hard as it is to say goodbye, the blessings far outweigh our sadness when

they go. Sure it would be nice...it would be really nice actually, if there were families our age in the church with other children for our own kids to become friends with but what we have received from our senior saints is a gift we will treasure. Our churches need the young families because they are the future of the church but the future of the church needs the wisdom and experience of the past and when we neglect that generation and treat them like they have nothing to offer we become fools. If you have senior saints in your church but you have not taken the time to reach out to them, I encourage you to do that. You have no idea what a blessing it will be to you! 

A Time to BE a BLESSING

It can sometimes be hard to know what you can do to be a blessing to someone else. Sometimes we have difficulty because we have not gone through what that person is going through so knowing what they need can escape us. Sometimes we are just too busy to take the time necessary to be a blessing and sometimes it comes down to just plain laziness. Making a choice to be a blessing to other's takes effort, planning and thought and sometimes we just don't want to make the time for it...I say want because I believe we HAVE the time we just don't always want to MAKE the time. Whenever I catch myself using, "I don't have time" as an excuse, I force myself to think of all the other things I made time for and if something like watching tv makes the list then I am reminded that I do in fact have time, I just don't want to make the time. It's a good reality check!

Our best friends (and family because he is my cousin) are transitioning into a fairly big life change. They are moving 6 hours away from the only home their children have known because the husband is assuming a new role within an organization he has worked for for several years. As exciting as this transition is it also comes with more responsibility and facing the loss of a church family they've come to love and friends who've become like family to start all over building new relationships with a new church family and friends. Moving can be hard. I remember moving in 6th grade from a small french community to a place four hours away that was not french and not at all like anything I'd known previously. Making new friends and learning a new culture ( the communities were so different that it really was a culture shock to me) can be terrifying. I also moved several times in adulthood and had to start over with a new church and establishing new relationships in a new community and while all of that can be exciting, it can also be hard and it requires time and patience. Because I understand this and want to help our friends in this transition but live too far away to really be of much use I decided I would send a care package. This is one way you can be a blessing to someone else. Whether they are moving, just had a new baby or facing an on-going illness, a well thought out care package can go a long way to say "I love you" and "I want to bear this experience with you". Here is what I included in our friend's care package:

- Hot Chocolate and Chocolate (for when they need comfort)
- Gum and lollipops (for when they need a little sweetness in their life...or to survive a long car ride!)
- A movie & popcorn (to babysit the kids for a couple hours while mom and dad pack and unpack)

- Lavender body wash (for when they need to relax!)
- An age appropriate learning activity for each child, that they can do independently, for when they arrive at their new home (this will help the home schooling mom feel less guilty about how behind they are falling due to the move!)
- Tissues (for when the tears come...and they will)
- A note letting them know we are praying for them with a verse to help encourage and lift them up.

Not everyone will have the means or ability to send a care package to someone and I do understand that, but there are a lot of other ways you can be a blessing. All it takes is a little thought and effort...and some prayers asking the Holy Spirit to guide you because HE knows what they need. Some ideas that I've seen or experienced for a variety of reasons would be:

-bringing a meal (great for people moving, sick, just had a baby or a neighbor who has helped you out)

-send a card with a thoughtful message: remind them you are praying, that you love them and miss them; whatever would be appropriate to say, say it...don't be cheap with your words!

-offer to help watch a friends children so she can get away for an hour or two and encourage her to do something for herself! Do this even if you ARE that mom...taking the focus off ourselves is often the best remedy when we fall into a "woe is me" pattern of thinking.

-Send an email or text when you know someone is going through a trial or life change; send one if you haven't seen them in awhile and you miss them; send one just because...you are paying for that phone plan so put it to better use than just browsing Facebook and taking "selfies"!

-If you don't cook and truly are too busy to bring a meal then plan to order pizza for the family just moving into a new home, or just getting home from the hospital or maybe even just because you know they've had a tough week and you want to encourage them.

-Take an hour to visit someone who isn't able to get out and may be lonely

-Make a phone call! Sometimes we have no idea that someone is struggling and just needs to hear someone's voice of encouragement and love. Allow your voice to be that voice!
-Have your children draw pictures or write notes to family and friends; teach them young how to encourage others and be a blessing

-Ask someone how you can pray for them specifically...and then follow-up!

There are so many ways to be a blessing to others and my encouragement to you would be this: Be willing to go out of your way for other people and purpose to set aside even just 10 minutes a day to focus on someone else, even if it's just in prayer. Don't stress about what you should do but rather ask God to show you how you could bless someone that day and then be willing to follow his leading. Sometimes he leads us to do things that put us outside our comfort zone! Do it anyway! In this 'me-centered' society we live in the idea of sacrificing a little of our own 'me-time' in order to go out of our way for someone else is not encouraged and we really need to get away from the 'me-first' way of thinking. God wants us to bear one another's burdens, He wants us to put other's first; we will be much happier individuals when we take the focus off of ourselves, place it on the ONE who gives us life and let Him decide what we fill that life with! What are some way's you have been blessed by other's that really lifted you up and encouraged you? 

A Time for New Every Morning

With a new year comes new resolutions; thoughts on how we can do things better in the year to come. We think about all the changes we want to make and all the time we want to redeem. I know I have the tendency to do this; Instead of beginning to eat right today, I will wait till Monday...the start of a NEW week. Instead of exercising this month, I'll start next month...at the start of a NEW month. This past week at prayer meeting, one of our deacons did the preaching and this one verse in Lamentations really spoke to my heart; the Lord has used it to help me ponder some things and it has given me a renewed understanding of God's mercy.

"It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness." ~Lamentations 3:22-23

Sometimes we can know something but not really know; we don't allow it to be true in our hearts so instead it just remains knowledge we hold in our head, never allowing it to do any kind of changing within us. I am so incredibly thankful that God's mercies are NEW EVERY MORNING! If you have not taken the time to ponder that lately, I encourage you to do so now. Maybe it is because I have a harder time extending mercy that it is difficult for me to believe that each morning, no matter how badly I failed the day before, is NEW; a blank slate and I get to start over again. That is an incredible truth! It's a truth that I want to intentionally believe in my heart and put to use in 2016. If I mess up I don't have to wait until the start of a new week, month or year because in God's economy, each DAY is NEW! 

I have absolutely no idea what 2016 holds for me or my family but God does know and I trust him to be preparing our hearts to handle whatever He has for us. In spite of not knowing Gods plan for the year to come, I still have goals that I am working towards; goals of losing weight (is that ever off the table?!), goals of being a better mom...not a perfect one but a better one, goals of continuing my education in counseling and seeing what doors God opens in this area as I work towards helping people. Most importantly I have goals of growing closer to God, surrendering my will to His and seeing how He wants to use me, my time and my resources for His glory. Will I fail? Absolutely. I will have failures and successes along the way but in the midst of all those is a God whose mercies are new every morning and whose faithfulness I can count on! What a tremendous blessing that is. I am excited to see what the new year will bring and I am excited to put to use the idea of God's mercies being new each morning; not waiting for next week, month or year to make changes but each day purposing to do better than I did the day before, relying on God to help me.

A Time to Stop Shaming

I recently read a blog post written by a woman who wanted to make sure the rest of us knew she wasn't fooled by the "perfect" lives we try to portray on social media and how she had the collective "us" all figured out. I only got halfway through the article and then had to stop because her article did nothing to convict me of portraying something I'm not and frankly sounded more like the rantings of a bitter woman who is very dissatisfied with the life she is leading and clearly seeing other people happy or at least attempting to be happy, angers her. I would cite the blog post here so you could see for yourself but my blog is not about spreading that kind of negativity so I'm not going to; I'm sure a quick search would lead you to it...or one similar. 

That's the thing with social media. I will be the first to admit that I love my daily dose of Facebook because it's an easy way for me to stay connected with people; something that is difficult to do when you are busy raising a family. However, it has become a place where people feel very free to say whatever they think with very little regard to other people's feelings. It has also become a place where shaming of every kind is taking place. We have all seen and heard about the "mommy wars", I even wrote a blog post on it [A Time to Judge Me]. It is also a place where a person will now be shamed for having a happy life, happy marriage and happy children. When did we become so cynical that it is hard for us to believe that a family can be genuinely happy? When did we become so bitter that we

doubt a picture of a happy couple is real? When did we become so dissatisfied with our own lives that seeing posts about a person being thankful and happy for their spouse and children and life in general upsets us? 

Why is it necessary for us to know the "dirt" behind the photo? Why can't a frazzled, stressed out mom who has been taking care of her children who maybe haven't behaved the best the past few days or maybe were sick and cranky, post a photo of that rare second when the child was happy as a reminder to focus on the good and not the negative? Why can't a couple, who in reality have arguments and disagreements like every other couple, post a photo of themselves and celebrate the love they STILL have for one another despite the ups and downs marriage has brought? Why do we feel the need to tell people that if there is ANY negative anywhere in their lives then they are not allowed to focus on the ups but should instead dwell on the downs? 

I love seeing photos of couples who are happily married and in love. I love seeing photos of couples who have stood the test of time & the "for better or for worse" moments and I love seeing photos of families enjoying each other and being happy; even if it's only for that one day, minute or second because everyone deserves to celebrate the good moments. Families are falling apart and that is no secret. There are a lot of hurting moms and dads and in effect, a lot of hurting children. Families need help, they need support, they need love, they need encouragement and most of all they need to know there is a God that loves them more than any one person could and who wants to help them succeed. I want to spread THAT message! I want to like every happy, joyful picture I see, not because I'm naive and think that that a happy picture is a total representation of what is going on but because that person is making a choice to focus on the good rather than dwell on the negative and that kind of focus is what is going to save marriages and save families!

Yes, there are those out there who will always feel the need to impress and portray something that isn't reality but I believe they are the exception, not the rule. The majority of people on social media are just trying to live their lives to the best of their ability and sometimes if they need to make something look a little better than reality to help them feel better, then just let them! If we want to be people who love the way God tells us to love then we will be patient & kind; we won't be rude, envious, boastful, proud or easily angered & offended. My family is made up of 9 imperfect people who have good days and bad days. Despite the ups and downs though we are able to genuinely put a smile on our faces and have genuine love for one another in the midst of our circumstances because we have the joy of the Lord in our hearts. So post those happy moments and don't let anyone bully you into believing you shouldn't just because your life isn't perfect. That's what life is: An imperfect existence filled with perfect moments and no one should be shaming you for sharing it!