A Time to BE a BLESSING

It can sometimes be hard to know what you can do to be a blessing to someone else. Sometimes we have difficulty because we have not gone through what that person is going through so knowing what they need can escape us. Sometimes we are just too busy to take the time necessary to be a blessing and sometimes it comes down to just plain laziness. Making a choice to be a blessing to other's takes effort, planning and thought and sometimes we just don't want to make the time for it...I say want because I believe we HAVE the time we just don't always want to MAKE the time. Whenever I catch myself using, "I don't have time" as an excuse, I force myself to think of all the other things I made time for and if something like watching tv makes the list then I am reminded that I do in fact have time, I just don't want to make the time. It's a good reality check!

Our best friends (and family because he is my cousin) are transitioning into a fairly big life change. They are moving 6 hours away from the only home their children have known because the husband is assuming a new role within an organization he has worked for for several years. As exciting as this transition is it also comes with more responsibility and facing the loss of a church family they've come to love and friends who've become like family to start all over building new relationships with a new church family and friends. Moving can be hard. I remember moving in 6th grade from a small french community to a place four hours away that was not french and not at all like anything I'd known previously. Making new friends and learning a new culture ( the communities were so different that it really was a culture shock to me) can be terrifying. I also moved several times in adulthood and had to start over with a new church and establishing new relationships in a new community and while all of that can be exciting, it can also be hard and it requires time and patience. Because I understand this and want to help our friends in this transition but live too far away to really be of much use I decided I would send a care package. This is one way you can be a blessing to someone else. Whether they are moving, just had a new baby or facing an on-going illness, a well thought out care package can go a long way to say "I love you" and "I want to bear this experience with you". Here is what I included in our friend's care package:

- Hot Chocolate and Chocolate (for when they need comfort)
- Gum and lollipops (for when they need a little sweetness in their life...or to survive a long car ride!)
- A movie & popcorn (to babysit the kids for a couple hours while mom and dad pack and unpack)

- Lavender body wash (for when they need to relax!)
- An age appropriate learning activity for each child, that they can do independently, for when they arrive at their new home (this will help the home schooling mom feel less guilty about how behind they are falling due to the move!)
- Tissues (for when the tears come...and they will)
- A note letting them know we are praying for them with a verse to help encourage and lift them up.

Not everyone will have the means or ability to send a care package to someone and I do understand that, but there are a lot of other ways you can be a blessing. All it takes is a little thought and effort...and some prayers asking the Holy Spirit to guide you because HE knows what they need. Some ideas that I've seen or experienced for a variety of reasons would be:

-bringing a meal (great for people moving, sick, just had a baby or a neighbor who has helped you out)

-send a card with a thoughtful message: remind them you are praying, that you love them and miss them; whatever would be appropriate to say, say it...don't be cheap with your words!

-offer to help watch a friends children so she can get away for an hour or two and encourage her to do something for herself! Do this even if you ARE that mom...taking the focus off ourselves is often the best remedy when we fall into a "woe is me" pattern of thinking.

-Send an email or text when you know someone is going through a trial or life change; send one if you haven't seen them in awhile and you miss them; send one just because...you are paying for that phone plan so put it to better use than just browsing Facebook and taking "selfies"!

-If you don't cook and truly are too busy to bring a meal then plan to order pizza for the family just moving into a new home, or just getting home from the hospital or maybe even just because you know they've had a tough week and you want to encourage them.

-Take an hour to visit someone who isn't able to get out and may be lonely

-Make a phone call! Sometimes we have no idea that someone is struggling and just needs to hear someone's voice of encouragement and love. Allow your voice to be that voice!
-Have your children draw pictures or write notes to family and friends; teach them young how to encourage others and be a blessing

-Ask someone how you can pray for them specifically...and then follow-up!

There are so many ways to be a blessing to others and my encouragement to you would be this: Be willing to go out of your way for other people and purpose to set aside even just 10 minutes a day to focus on someone else, even if it's just in prayer. Don't stress about what you should do but rather ask God to show you how you could bless someone that day and then be willing to follow his leading. Sometimes he leads us to do things that put us outside our comfort zone! Do it anyway! In this 'me-centered' society we live in the idea of sacrificing a little of our own 'me-time' in order to go out of our way for someone else is not encouraged and we really need to get away from the 'me-first' way of thinking. God wants us to bear one another's burdens, He wants us to put other's first; we will be much happier individuals when we take the focus off of ourselves, place it on the ONE who gives us life and let Him decide what we fill that life with! What are some way's you have been blessed by other's that really lifted you up and encouraged you? 

A Time for New Every Morning

With a new year comes new resolutions; thoughts on how we can do things better in the year to come. We think about all the changes we want to make and all the time we want to redeem. I know I have the tendency to do this; Instead of beginning to eat right today, I will wait till Monday...the start of a NEW week. Instead of exercising this month, I'll start next month...at the start of a NEW month. This past week at prayer meeting, one of our deacons did the preaching and this one verse in Lamentations really spoke to my heart; the Lord has used it to help me ponder some things and it has given me a renewed understanding of God's mercy.

"It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness." ~Lamentations 3:22-23

Sometimes we can know something but not really know; we don't allow it to be true in our hearts so instead it just remains knowledge we hold in our head, never allowing it to do any kind of changing within us. I am so incredibly thankful that God's mercies are NEW EVERY MORNING! If you have not taken the time to ponder that lately, I encourage you to do so now. Maybe it is because I have a harder time extending mercy that it is difficult for me to believe that each morning, no matter how badly I failed the day before, is NEW; a blank slate and I get to start over again. That is an incredible truth! It's a truth that I want to intentionally believe in my heart and put to use in 2016. If I mess up I don't have to wait until the start of a new week, month or year because in God's economy, each DAY is NEW! 

I have absolutely no idea what 2016 holds for me or my family but God does know and I trust him to be preparing our hearts to handle whatever He has for us. In spite of not knowing Gods plan for the year to come, I still have goals that I am working towards; goals of losing weight (is that ever off the table?!), goals of being a better mom...not a perfect one but a better one, goals of continuing my education in counseling and seeing what doors God opens in this area as I work towards helping people. Most importantly I have goals of growing closer to God, surrendering my will to His and seeing how He wants to use me, my time and my resources for His glory. Will I fail? Absolutely. I will have failures and successes along the way but in the midst of all those is a God whose mercies are new every morning and whose faithfulness I can count on! What a tremendous blessing that is. I am excited to see what the new year will bring and I am excited to put to use the idea of God's mercies being new each morning; not waiting for next week, month or year to make changes but each day purposing to do better than I did the day before, relying on God to help me.

A Time to Stop Shaming

I recently read a blog post written by a woman who wanted to make sure the rest of us knew she wasn't fooled by the "perfect" lives we try to portray on social media and how she had the collective "us" all figured out. I only got halfway through the article and then had to stop because her article did nothing to convict me of portraying something I'm not and frankly sounded more like the rantings of a bitter woman who is very dissatisfied with the life she is leading and clearly seeing other people happy or at least attempting to be happy, angers her. I would cite the blog post here so you could see for yourself but my blog is not about spreading that kind of negativity so I'm not going to; I'm sure a quick search would lead you to it...or one similar. 

That's the thing with social media. I will be the first to admit that I love my daily dose of Facebook because it's an easy way for me to stay connected with people; something that is difficult to do when you are busy raising a family. However, it has become a place where people feel very free to say whatever they think with very little regard to other people's feelings. It has also become a place where shaming of every kind is taking place. We have all seen and heard about the "mommy wars", I even wrote a blog post on it [A Time to Judge Me]. It is also a place where a person will now be shamed for having a happy life, happy marriage and happy children. When did we become so cynical that it is hard for us to believe that a family can be genuinely happy? When did we become so bitter that we

doubt a picture of a happy couple is real? When did we become so dissatisfied with our own lives that seeing posts about a person being thankful and happy for their spouse and children and life in general upsets us? 

Why is it necessary for us to know the "dirt" behind the photo? Why can't a frazzled, stressed out mom who has been taking care of her children who maybe haven't behaved the best the past few days or maybe were sick and cranky, post a photo of that rare second when the child was happy as a reminder to focus on the good and not the negative? Why can't a couple, who in reality have arguments and disagreements like every other couple, post a photo of themselves and celebrate the love they STILL have for one another despite the ups and downs marriage has brought? Why do we feel the need to tell people that if there is ANY negative anywhere in their lives then they are not allowed to focus on the ups but should instead dwell on the downs? 

I love seeing photos of couples who are happily married and in love. I love seeing photos of couples who have stood the test of time & the "for better or for worse" moments and I love seeing photos of families enjoying each other and being happy; even if it's only for that one day, minute or second because everyone deserves to celebrate the good moments. Families are falling apart and that is no secret. There are a lot of hurting moms and dads and in effect, a lot of hurting children. Families need help, they need support, they need love, they need encouragement and most of all they need to know there is a God that loves them more than any one person could and who wants to help them succeed. I want to spread THAT message! I want to like every happy, joyful picture I see, not because I'm naive and think that that a happy picture is a total representation of what is going on but because that person is making a choice to focus on the good rather than dwell on the negative and that kind of focus is what is going to save marriages and save families!

Yes, there are those out there who will always feel the need to impress and portray something that isn't reality but I believe they are the exception, not the rule. The majority of people on social media are just trying to live their lives to the best of their ability and sometimes if they need to make something look a little better than reality to help them feel better, then just let them! If we want to be people who love the way God tells us to love then we will be patient & kind; we won't be rude, envious, boastful, proud or easily angered & offended. My family is made up of 9 imperfect people who have good days and bad days. Despite the ups and downs though we are able to genuinely put a smile on our faces and have genuine love for one another in the midst of our circumstances because we have the joy of the Lord in our hearts. So post those happy moments and don't let anyone bully you into believing you shouldn't just because your life isn't perfect. That's what life is: An imperfect existence filled with perfect moments and no one should be shaming you for sharing it!

A Time for Two Wishes

"I have no greater joy than to hear that my children
 walk in truth." ~3 John 1:4

As a Christian family it can be difficult at times to explain to other Christians why we feel so strongly the best place for our kids to be educated is in the public school. In comparison to the people who only have a negative opinion about it, there are few who support our decision and even fewer who share our vision of the kind of difference we can make there. I've never been one to shy away from a fight; not one I believe in anyway. Yes, things have changed and we don't agree with all the changes but I also know that you can't make a difference if you walk away from the issues, someone has to stay and try to make a difference. Our difference won't be lobbying legislators in hopes of repealing Common Core. That would be great and there are people called to that kind of fight. The kind of fight I'm talking about is on a smaller scale, closer to home. The change we feel called to make is by offering support to the teachers who work effortlessly to do what is best for our children; to let them know how much we appreciate them when they are forced to teach a curriculum they don't care for or have to implement a set of standards they know will only frustrate the students. It's the kind of change that shows other's God can still be a part of a child's classroom when our own children bring their Bibles to school to read during free time or on the bus, that He's there when a teacher allows one of our children to share from God's word what we believe about the creation of the world, He is there when we commit to teaching kids about who God is during our weekly Good News Club, He's there in the lunchroom when a fellow classmate asks one of our children who is this God they believe in? He's even there in our children's homework assignments if we have taught them that no one, not even the public school, can take God out of their hearts if they want Him there. Yesterday one such homework assignment came home that proves this point:

Overlook the several grammatical errors that it appears even the teacher missed because the grammar is not what's important here...not this time. What is important is what is seen in the heart of Owen. The boldness he had in sharing his heart in a homework assignment not knowing how it would be received by the teacher. What is important is that rare glimpse into the heart of a child who very rarely lets people know what is going on inside. To say I was proud when I read this is an understatement. The courage it took for him to write this, knowing that he may be mocked by other classmates (because let's face it....these days anyone who claims the name of Christ is fair game for ridicule) touched me. It's the kind of courage that can only come from God. Last winter we spent our family devotion time in the book of Joshua and had the boys hide the following verse in their hearts: 

"Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest." Joshua 1:9

He put the truth of that verse to work in that homework assignment! It may seem small in comparison to the battle Joshua was called to but even Joshua had to start somewhere. As Christian parents we need to be preparing our children for battle and teaching them to take courage in the face of opposition. They are never too young to learn this very important life lesson and I am thankful for the opportunities God is giving my kids to stand up for what they believe in their school, with their teachers and among their peers. Not every family will be called to put their children in public school; wherever you are called though, that is where your battle is and you have a responsibility to teach your kids how to stand up for their faith.
If you ask Ben and I what our two wishes are we'd say we don't believe in wishes, but we do believe in prayer and our two prayers would be that each member of our family would "love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind" and that our children will always "walk in truth". Pray for our children that God would continue to use them for His glory and that they would continue to have hearts willing to do His will. He CAN do great and mighty things through them...even in the public school.

A time for "I don't do baths!"

"Any man can be a father, but it takes someone

special to be a dad." ~Anne Geddes

I'm going to make this simple. I was away and Ben was left to hold down the fort here at home. One evening I received a text that read: I DON'T DO BATHS!

Assuming he was just being melodramatic about a task he's not crazy about I didn't pay it much attention and replied with: Oh come on! Your mom is there to help you. :)

What I received next was a series of texts with pictures of the most hilarious bath time I've ever read about. Enjoy!

 It all started as a fun bubble bath. Lots of happy girls.

 Then Tess started wincing and holding her rear.

And then the faces started.

 Then, there it was. Bigger than most grown men.

 So we went downstairs and Oma rinsed hair...

...and Emma peed on the floor.

Then I had to clean the bathtub.

It grossed us all out.

 But we recovered.

A Time for Change...Again!

Have I ever mentioned I don't like change? Well, I don't. I like structure, schedules, consistency and familiar surroundings. I can handle spontaneous as long as it's organized...I sound like so much fun, don't I?! This is one thing I love about God. He NEVER changes. He is always the same, unfailing, loving God and I don't have to worry that He's going to change His mind. For someone like me, that truth is a real comfort.

As I've shared before my morning routine is pretty structured and it works for me...well, worked. It was my "alone" time, while the house was quiet where I could get up at 5, have my coffee, read and do a couple chores and just prepare myself for the day ahead. Sadly, sometimes things change and you have to restructure your day or at least leave room for things to go a little differently. With a new school year came a new schedule for our oldest, who is now at the Middle School in another town. This is the age when the three towns in our district come together in one school so that puts us about a 30 minutes drive from the school....on a bus it's an hour and a half! So while I'm still getting up as early as I used to, I now have someone who needs to be up with me and instead of reading I'm making breakfast, lunch and keeping my 11-year-old, non-organized, son on schedule. Once he is on the bus I have about 40 minutes before the others start waking up and I begin the process of getting all of them ready for school.

Things change! That is reality and I need to deal with it. Some of the retired ladies at our Bible study yesterday were commenting on what an adjustment retirement is; They went from having the house to themselves all day, making the decisions, having a set routine to now having their husband home and the routine getting thrown all off. It made me realize how true it is that there really is a season to everything! I say it all the time, it's sort of my mantra but I guess I hadn't realized how that statement penetrates just about every aspect of life. No matter what stage of life or what season of life we find ourselves in, it all comes with change. Some changes are big...retirement is a big change. Some of the changes are small...a new school schedule is a small change. The thing I have to remember is that God knows all these changes. None of it is a surprise to Him and if we choose to trust Him with these changes then we can trust He is going to give us exactly what we need to function successfully with these changes. I can choose to grumble and complain and focus on how this is affecting me negatively or I can choose to see the change as something positive and seek out what His will is for me in the change.
One blessing I have already seen is that I now have some one-on-one time with my oldest that I didn't have before...and it's every morning! There are no distractions and no interruptions. We can open up our Bibles together and read while he eats breakfast. He also gets home before the other kids do, so there is even more one-on-one time. For my son, even he has chosen to see this as a positive. A couple of the things he said to me were, "well I'm up at that time anyway" and "I like the long bus ride; I get to talk to people." I do think as time goes on that getting up that early will not be as easy and I do think the long bus ride will get old but because we are choosing to see the good and positive in these changes, God is blessing us and we are thankful for the goodness He has shown us the past few weeks.

So if you are like me and you don't like change I encourage you to embrace it and look for the positive. Change is an inevitable part of life and not all change is bad. Look for what God might be trying to show you, teach you and bless you with during the change rather than dwell on the negative. If you find yourself really struggling to find the goodness in a change you are facing then I give you this verse:

'Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.' ~Philippians 4:8

You can't go wrong when you put your focus on all the things this verse mentions!

A Time for the Right Perspective

It's been quiet here on the blog. Between having all the kids home for the summer and taking classes, I haven't had a lot of time for much else. However, quiet on the blog does not mean quiet on my heart and God has done a good deal of convicting, shaping and restoring. I hope you can say that you've had seasons like that. Seasons where it seems like you don't have much to say but it's only because you are choosing to be still and know God. He can't speak to us if we never stop talking or moving long enough to hear him; we can't make changes if we don't know where change needs to happen. It's interesting sometimes to see what God will use to stir your heart and bring about conviction. For me it was a lecture in one of my classes and a book the kids and I read aloud together over the summer.

 In one of my lectures the professor gave us an acronym: ALIVE. It stands for Always Living In View of Eternity. We were learning this as a tool to have in order to help someone we might be helping understand how our perspectives influence our responses to life's circumstances and how our response influences the outcome 100% of the time. We were being taught to challenge someone to think about whether or not it is God's Word that influences our perspective. Throughout our lectures and our teaching, while we are being taught how to help others we also, if we are surrendered enough to allow it, are being challenged ourselves to make positive changes and look at life with a filter of hope and life in Christ. I began to see that there were some areas in my life that I was not completely surrendered and this really grieved me. 

Then as the kids and I got to the end of our book on "Hero's of the Faith", we read about two men: George Mueller and John Wesley. What these two men had in common and what the Lord spoke to not only me about but the kids also was how these men told only God of their needs and trusted Him fully to provide; they were incredible stewards with what God had given them, giving back to God more than what they kept for themselves. I realized that I had fallen away from the kind of steward I wanted to be. I felt the Lord convicting me about letting HIM provide for my needs rather than trusting in my bank account to provide. I was also being challenged about what I spent my money on.

 As I realized that I needed to live my WHOLE life with eternity in view not just part of it I realized that this had to extend into how our family spent our money and on what. One night I sat down with Ben and shared with him what God had been showing me and not surprising to us, Ben had been feeling convicted similarly. I love how God does that and how only He can make two hearts one...it gives me goose bumps every time it happens. From there we talked about ways that we as a family can live with a perspective more focused on eternity and how we can be better stewards with what God has given us. We both wanted to involve the kids and make them a part of this work that God is doing in our lives. Showing our kids (and others too) practical ways we can practice what God is showing us is really important to us... so this is what we did...

We decided to give the kids an allowance. The kids work really hard around the house. They all have chores to do and for the most part they do them with sweet spirits and little complaint. Because we have seen how hard they have worked this past year we were okay with giving them a little compensation for their efforts with the intent of using the allowance to teach them about budgeting and being a wise steward with what God gives you. They will each receive 1/4 of their age per week (I told you it was a little compensation!). From that amt. they must tithe 10%, save 70% and can spend 20%. We thank Ben's parents for helping us with the percentages. It's what they did with their kids and I don't know about the others but it was a good system for Ben! We have also told them that for each need or want they have whether it is new sneakers or a new Lego set, we would pray about it and give God time to provide it in a way where we can get the item for the best deal possible instead of going out and just buying it brand new. We want the kids to see that God is ABLE to provide ANY need we have and as we as a family purpose to live this way, we are excited to see what God will show us. Keeping eternity in view will allow us to be more thoughtful on what we spend our money on and hopefully give us even more resources to give back to God. One passage from the chapter on John Wesley read:

“When you [John Wesley] were a young man, you made 30 pounds; you lived on 28 pounds and had 2 pounds to give away. The next year, you doubled your money to 60 pounds, but you still lived on 28 so you had 32 to give away. And when you made 120 pounds a year, you still lived on 28 and gave away 92!" John Wesley laughed and said, "I call it Kingdom economics!" ~Hero Tales by Dave & Neta Jackson

For Ben and I, of course there are set bills that have to be paid but aside from those things we are responding to the convicting of the Holy Spirit and leaving our budget and spending in Gods hands. We do not know what the future holds and there may come a day where we will have to live on less out of necessity; being convicted to live on little and need little may just be a blessing for the future that we have yet to understand! God always moves with a purpose and a plan and while I know becoming more disciplined in this area will not always be easy, I am excited to see God's plan worked out.