I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.
My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth.He will not suffer
thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber. ~Psalm 121:1-3
What a roller coaster few weeks we've had. Between having a tooth get infected and need to be extracted to our entire family coming down with a stomach virus it's been a little rough around here. I'm not sure when I have ever been so tired in my whole life or felt so weak. Just hours before the stomach virus hit the second victim in our house I had said to Ben that I was just so exhausted I felt like I was going to collapse, with tears in my eyes. I meant it too. I knew that the only reason I was still functioning was because God was holding me up. We took some time and prayed together, that God would strengthen us and help us get the rest we so desperately needed. Imagine our surprise when He answered that prayer with two puking kids that night! It may seem like he didn't answer but God doesn't always answer prayers in the way we think he should.
Sometimes, to my shame, I question God. Even though I know he knows better than I do and even though I am convinced and sure his ways are better than mine I still have moments where I question. It's just one question though and it's this: "How could you possibly think I could do this? I am too weak, too proud, too selfish, too impatient! Are you sure you didn't get the wrong person?". I most recently asked this question as Ben and I were cleaning up the aftermath of two kids who just couldn't make it to the toilet for like the 10th time. I backed myself into a corner and just had to let the tears flow. I was weary & worn, I was exhausted and felt so inadequate and I just kept asking him over and over, "Are you sure? Because I don't think I can do this!"
What happens next? When I question and doubt God's plan for my life, when I doubt he meant for me to have seven kids, what happens next? What happens next is I have to go to His word. I need to remind myself of his promises and remember that HE is in control, HE has a plan and HE is always good. HE never makes mistakes...ever! I find great comfort and strength in remembering what is true about God. Then I have to pray and ask for forgiveness and ask him to give me the strength I need to continue on. I don't always have time to stop what I am doing and sit down with my Bible to look up verses so in these times I am thankful for the verses I have memorized and can recite in my head. Do you memorize God's word? I don't do it as much as I should, I admit but I know the value it has. Being able to bring to mind God's word when doubts creep in, when fears arise, when I'm weak is what gets me through the difficult moments.
Don't be afraid to admit when you are feeling weak, when you have doubts or when you have fears. God already knows our struggles so don't be ashamed to bring them to him and ask him for help. Also don't be too proud to share with someone when you are really struggling. I cannot tell you the blessing some of the women God has placed in my life have been. They are such a source of encouragement...particularly those who have already raised a family. They've been where I am and know what I am feeling....trust me they've been there too! As the Bible says, 'there is nothing new under the sun". You are not going through anything someone else before hasn't been through already. If you find yourself relating to similar feelings I have had then for you I leave you some of my go-to verses. Ones that encourage me and give me the strength to press on!
But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. ~Is.40:31
The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower. ~Psalm 18:2
I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. ~Phil. 4:13
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. ~Phil.4:8
The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise him. ~Ps. 28:7