So the Lord has given me another opportunity to be transparent
with all of you....great for you, not so great for me! I do love transparency.
Some of the women I admire most are the ones who have been willing to mentor me
through transparency. It speaks volumes and can often help but for the person
who has to do the revealing, it's not always fun. As I share this, please don't
get the impression that this is the first time something like this has happened
to us; I just felt led to share this particular incident and highlight a couple
valuable life lesson I am trying to ingrain in my children.
No names will be shared but some of the
details need to be brought out for better understanding. There was a band field
trip. It was at an amusement park. It was a well-deserved reward for some hard
work during this school year. It may come as a shock to you but for my two who
were on this trip, it was their first time at a place like this because
well....amusement parks with 7 little children are just too overwhelming for
me. I was thrilled for my two boys to have this opportunity because it means I
don't have to bring them, ha! We've done Storyland but this place had big
rides, for big kids! They were so excited for this trip, and I don't blame
them. I knew that my two boys would be in the same group and I knew who their
chaperone was going to be; I couldn't have been more thrilled with the
situation.
It never occurred to me that morning to
have a talk to my boys about their behavior on this trip, to respect the people
in charge of them and to just overall behave and be mindful of what our
expectations are. While they are not perfect by any means, this is an area
these two generally don't struggle with. So I sent them on their way with a
cheerful goodbye and skipped the pep talk. Whether it was a mistake or not I'll
never know; it’s possible the outcome would have been the same had they had it.
I was so excited to pick them up at the end of the day and hear all about the
fun they had; I knew it would be an evening full of stories. It was full of
stories alright; just not the ones I was thinking of!
When they got into the car the first thing
one of the boys said when I asked how it went was, "Well, the chaperone
was probably upset with me for not being patient; I was just really excited to
be there". Alright, I thought, a little excitement is expected so I didn't
say much about it. I decided I would just text her when I got home and make
sure things had gone well. Lets just say her version of the story and the one I
was getting were different. When I questioned said child and read the text to
him that said he had taken off on her three times he looked at me confused and
said that he hadn't run off on her. Life lesson #1: Children are always guilty until
proven innocent; except in cases where they are accusing an adult of harming
them (in those cases, parents
should always believe the child and investigate). So with that in mind I went
back to my friend and made it clear that I believed her but not being there I
was going to need more details so I could get to the bottom of this; and she obliged.
When I read to my child the first instance he ran off he immediately made an
excuse. Life lesson #2: NO
EXCUSES! Own your behavior and take responsibility for your actions. I immediately called him on his excuse
making and explained that what he thought was considered ASKING her was
actually TELLING her. The two are not the same and I made it clear to him that
he did, in fact, take off on her. He knew better to give me any excuses on the
next two points and so after a little scolding, a little reminding and a little
scripture to reinforce what I was teaching I then had him sit down to write the
chaperone an apology. Life lesson #3: Teach your kids at a young age to apologize and ask forgiveness.
Why am I sharing this? Because making
excuses is one of my biggest pet-peeves and I see it all too often. How many times have you heard a parent make an excuse for a child who is behaving poorly? How many times do we see adults making excuses for themselves? I
could have done it in this case. I could have said, "Weeeellll, he was
just so excited. Relax a little!" The bottom line and what I want my kids
to understand is that we have the power, with the help of the Holy Spirit to rein
in our emotions and our bodies. We don't have to get out of control, we don't
have to be impatient, and we don't have to throw tantrums because we can have
control over those things. Generally speaking, we choose our behaviors and I begin teaching this to
my children as soon as I know they understand the words coming out of my mouth.
That means my two-year-old does not have the luxury of throwing a fit just
because he's two and not getting his way or is over-tired. If we begin teaching our kids young these very important
character traits (or fruits of the spirit, Gal.5:22-23) then hopefully by the
time they are adults they are the kind of adults who can take ownership of
their actions and not instantly fall back on excuses. My hope is that my kids
grow to be the kind of people who are able to say, "I'm sorry" and
really mean it. That instead of blaming circumstances and people for bad
choices they will be able to examine their own hearts admit they were
wrong.
I'm also sharing this because it was a
reminder to me that parenting never ends and it requires constant prayer. Even
when you think you've done a really good job instilling principles in your
kids, they will still make mistakes. When there are several kids (and I'm sure
it happens in situations with fewer children) there are several areas needing
attention all at the same time and it can get overwhelming. I was reminded that
my two older boys are not adults yet and while they are great kids and
generally make good choices, they still need lots of prayer, direction and
guidance. It's so easy to get focused on the younger ones because they need so
much from you but that incident was a reminder that I really need to work on
balancing my attention and realize that my older kids need me just as much as
my younger ones do. It was a lesson in humility for sure and reminded me once
again, to be extending grace to other moms; the same kind of grace I need. I'm
most certainly thankful for this particular chaperone's grace in the situation; it made a discouraging moment a little easier to bear. The great news is there will be more field trips and more opportunities for them to put into practice the principles we are trying to instill in them. They will fail; they will succeed. How they handle those successes and failures will be the fruit of our labors!
