A Time to Stop Shaming

I recently read a blog post written by a woman who wanted to make sure the rest of us knew she wasn't fooled by the "perfect" lives we try to portray on social media and how she had the collective "us" all figured out. I only got halfway through the article and then had to stop because her article did nothing to convict me of portraying something I'm not and frankly sounded more like the rantings of a bitter woman who is very dissatisfied with the life she is leading and clearly seeing other people happy or at least attempting to be happy, angers her. I would cite the blog post here so you could see for yourself but my blog is not about spreading that kind of negativity so I'm not going to; I'm sure a quick search would lead you to it...or one similar. 

That's the thing with social media. I will be the first to admit that I love my daily dose of Facebook because it's an easy way for me to stay connected with people; something that is difficult to do when you are busy raising a family. However, it has become a place where people feel very free to say whatever they think with very little regard to other people's feelings. It has also become a place where shaming of every kind is taking place. We have all seen and heard about the "mommy wars", I even wrote a blog post on it [A Time to Judge Me]. It is also a place where a person will now be shamed for having a happy life, happy marriage and happy children. When did we become so cynical that it is hard for us to believe that a family can be genuinely happy? When did we become so bitter that we

doubt a picture of a happy couple is real? When did we become so dissatisfied with our own lives that seeing posts about a person being thankful and happy for their spouse and children and life in general upsets us? 

Why is it necessary for us to know the "dirt" behind the photo? Why can't a frazzled, stressed out mom who has been taking care of her children who maybe haven't behaved the best the past few days or maybe were sick and cranky, post a photo of that rare second when the child was happy as a reminder to focus on the good and not the negative? Why can't a couple, who in reality have arguments and disagreements like every other couple, post a photo of themselves and celebrate the love they STILL have for one another despite the ups and downs marriage has brought? Why do we feel the need to tell people that if there is ANY negative anywhere in their lives then they are not allowed to focus on the ups but should instead dwell on the downs? 

I love seeing photos of couples who are happily married and in love. I love seeing photos of couples who have stood the test of time & the "for better or for worse" moments and I love seeing photos of families enjoying each other and being happy; even if it's only for that one day, minute or second because everyone deserves to celebrate the good moments. Families are falling apart and that is no secret. There are a lot of hurting moms and dads and in effect, a lot of hurting children. Families need help, they need support, they need love, they need encouragement and most of all they need to know there is a God that loves them more than any one person could and who wants to help them succeed. I want to spread THAT message! I want to like every happy, joyful picture I see, not because I'm naive and think that that a happy picture is a total representation of what is going on but because that person is making a choice to focus on the good rather than dwell on the negative and that kind of focus is what is going to save marriages and save families!

Yes, there are those out there who will always feel the need to impress and portray something that isn't reality but I believe they are the exception, not the rule. The majority of people on social media are just trying to live their lives to the best of their ability and sometimes if they need to make something look a little better than reality to help them feel better, then just let them! If we want to be people who love the way God tells us to love then we will be patient & kind; we won't be rude, envious, boastful, proud or easily angered & offended. My family is made up of 9 imperfect people who have good days and bad days. Despite the ups and downs though we are able to genuinely put a smile on our faces and have genuine love for one another in the midst of our circumstances because we have the joy of the Lord in our hearts. So post those happy moments and don't let anyone bully you into believing you shouldn't just because your life isn't perfect. That's what life is: An imperfect existence filled with perfect moments and no one should be shaming you for sharing it!

A Time for Two Wishes

"I have no greater joy than to hear that my children
 walk in truth." ~3 John 1:4

As a Christian family it can be difficult at times to explain to other Christians why we feel so strongly the best place for our kids to be educated is in the public school. In comparison to the people who only have a negative opinion about it, there are few who support our decision and even fewer who share our vision of the kind of difference we can make there. I've never been one to shy away from a fight; not one I believe in anyway. Yes, things have changed and we don't agree with all the changes but I also know that you can't make a difference if you walk away from the issues, someone has to stay and try to make a difference. Our difference won't be lobbying legislators in hopes of repealing Common Core. That would be great and there are people called to that kind of fight. The kind of fight I'm talking about is on a smaller scale, closer to home. The change we feel called to make is by offering support to the teachers who work effortlessly to do what is best for our children; to let them know how much we appreciate them when they are forced to teach a curriculum they don't care for or have to implement a set of standards they know will only frustrate the students. It's the kind of change that shows other's God can still be a part of a child's classroom when our own children bring their Bibles to school to read during free time or on the bus, that He's there when a teacher allows one of our children to share from God's word what we believe about the creation of the world, He is there when we commit to teaching kids about who God is during our weekly Good News Club, He's there in the lunchroom when a fellow classmate asks one of our children who is this God they believe in? He's even there in our children's homework assignments if we have taught them that no one, not even the public school, can take God out of their hearts if they want Him there. Yesterday one such homework assignment came home that proves this point:

Overlook the several grammatical errors that it appears even the teacher missed because the grammar is not what's important here...not this time. What is important is what is seen in the heart of Owen. The boldness he had in sharing his heart in a homework assignment not knowing how it would be received by the teacher. What is important is that rare glimpse into the heart of a child who very rarely lets people know what is going on inside. To say I was proud when I read this is an understatement. The courage it took for him to write this, knowing that he may be mocked by other classmates (because let's face it....these days anyone who claims the name of Christ is fair game for ridicule) touched me. It's the kind of courage that can only come from God. Last winter we spent our family devotion time in the book of Joshua and had the boys hide the following verse in their hearts: 

"Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest." Joshua 1:9

He put the truth of that verse to work in that homework assignment! It may seem small in comparison to the battle Joshua was called to but even Joshua had to start somewhere. As Christian parents we need to be preparing our children for battle and teaching them to take courage in the face of opposition. They are never too young to learn this very important life lesson and I am thankful for the opportunities God is giving my kids to stand up for what they believe in their school, with their teachers and among their peers. Not every family will be called to put their children in public school; wherever you are called though, that is where your battle is and you have a responsibility to teach your kids how to stand up for their faith.
If you ask Ben and I what our two wishes are we'd say we don't believe in wishes, but we do believe in prayer and our two prayers would be that each member of our family would "love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind" and that our children will always "walk in truth". Pray for our children that God would continue to use them for His glory and that they would continue to have hearts willing to do His will. He CAN do great and mighty things through them...even in the public school.

A time for "I don't do baths!"

"Any man can be a father, but it takes someone

special to be a dad." ~Anne Geddes

I'm going to make this simple. I was away and Ben was left to hold down the fort here at home. One evening I received a text that read: I DON'T DO BATHS!

Assuming he was just being melodramatic about a task he's not crazy about I didn't pay it much attention and replied with: Oh come on! Your mom is there to help you. :)

What I received next was a series of texts with pictures of the most hilarious bath time I've ever read about. Enjoy!

 It all started as a fun bubble bath. Lots of happy girls.

 Then Tess started wincing and holding her rear.

And then the faces started.

 Then, there it was. Bigger than most grown men.

 So we went downstairs and Oma rinsed hair...

...and Emma peed on the floor.

Then I had to clean the bathtub.

It grossed us all out.

 But we recovered.

A Time for Change...Again!

Have I ever mentioned I don't like change? Well, I don't. I like structure, schedules, consistency and familiar surroundings. I can handle spontaneous as long as it's organized...I sound like so much fun, don't I?! This is one thing I love about God. He NEVER changes. He is always the same, unfailing, loving God and I don't have to worry that He's going to change His mind. For someone like me, that truth is a real comfort.

As I've shared before my morning routine is pretty structured and it works for me...well, worked. It was my "alone" time, while the house was quiet where I could get up at 5, have my coffee, read and do a couple chores and just prepare myself for the day ahead. Sadly, sometimes things change and you have to restructure your day or at least leave room for things to go a little differently. With a new school year came a new schedule for our oldest, who is now at the Middle School in another town. This is the age when the three towns in our district come together in one school so that puts us about a 30 minutes drive from the school....on a bus it's an hour and a half! So while I'm still getting up as early as I used to, I now have someone who needs to be up with me and instead of reading I'm making breakfast, lunch and keeping my 11-year-old, non-organized, son on schedule. Once he is on the bus I have about 40 minutes before the others start waking up and I begin the process of getting all of them ready for school.

Things change! That is reality and I need to deal with it. Some of the retired ladies at our Bible study yesterday were commenting on what an adjustment retirement is; They went from having the house to themselves all day, making the decisions, having a set routine to now having their husband home and the routine getting thrown all off. It made me realize how true it is that there really is a season to everything! I say it all the time, it's sort of my mantra but I guess I hadn't realized how that statement penetrates just about every aspect of life. No matter what stage of life or what season of life we find ourselves in, it all comes with change. Some changes are big...retirement is a big change. Some of the changes are small...a new school schedule is a small change. The thing I have to remember is that God knows all these changes. None of it is a surprise to Him and if we choose to trust Him with these changes then we can trust He is going to give us exactly what we need to function successfully with these changes. I can choose to grumble and complain and focus on how this is affecting me negatively or I can choose to see the change as something positive and seek out what His will is for me in the change.
One blessing I have already seen is that I now have some one-on-one time with my oldest that I didn't have before...and it's every morning! There are no distractions and no interruptions. We can open up our Bibles together and read while he eats breakfast. He also gets home before the other kids do, so there is even more one-on-one time. For my son, even he has chosen to see this as a positive. A couple of the things he said to me were, "well I'm up at that time anyway" and "I like the long bus ride; I get to talk to people." I do think as time goes on that getting up that early will not be as easy and I do think the long bus ride will get old but because we are choosing to see the good and positive in these changes, God is blessing us and we are thankful for the goodness He has shown us the past few weeks.

So if you are like me and you don't like change I encourage you to embrace it and look for the positive. Change is an inevitable part of life and not all change is bad. Look for what God might be trying to show you, teach you and bless you with during the change rather than dwell on the negative. If you find yourself really struggling to find the goodness in a change you are facing then I give you this verse:

'Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.' ~Philippians 4:8

You can't go wrong when you put your focus on all the things this verse mentions!

A Time for the Right Perspective

It's been quiet here on the blog. Between having all the kids home for the summer and taking classes, I haven't had a lot of time for much else. However, quiet on the blog does not mean quiet on my heart and God has done a good deal of convicting, shaping and restoring. I hope you can say that you've had seasons like that. Seasons where it seems like you don't have much to say but it's only because you are choosing to be still and know God. He can't speak to us if we never stop talking or moving long enough to hear him; we can't make changes if we don't know where change needs to happen. It's interesting sometimes to see what God will use to stir your heart and bring about conviction. For me it was a lecture in one of my classes and a book the kids and I read aloud together over the summer.

 In one of my lectures the professor gave us an acronym: ALIVE. It stands for Always Living In View of Eternity. We were learning this as a tool to have in order to help someone we might be helping understand how our perspectives influence our responses to life's circumstances and how our response influences the outcome 100% of the time. We were being taught to challenge someone to think about whether or not it is God's Word that influences our perspective. Throughout our lectures and our teaching, while we are being taught how to help others we also, if we are surrendered enough to allow it, are being challenged ourselves to make positive changes and look at life with a filter of hope and life in Christ. I began to see that there were some areas in my life that I was not completely surrendered and this really grieved me. 

Then as the kids and I got to the end of our book on "Hero's of the Faith", we read about two men: George Mueller and John Wesley. What these two men had in common and what the Lord spoke to not only me about but the kids also was how these men told only God of their needs and trusted Him fully to provide; they were incredible stewards with what God had given them, giving back to God more than what they kept for themselves. I realized that I had fallen away from the kind of steward I wanted to be. I felt the Lord convicting me about letting HIM provide for my needs rather than trusting in my bank account to provide. I was also being challenged about what I spent my money on.

 As I realized that I needed to live my WHOLE life with eternity in view not just part of it I realized that this had to extend into how our family spent our money and on what. One night I sat down with Ben and shared with him what God had been showing me and not surprising to us, Ben had been feeling convicted similarly. I love how God does that and how only He can make two hearts one...it gives me goose bumps every time it happens. From there we talked about ways that we as a family can live with a perspective more focused on eternity and how we can be better stewards with what God has given us. We both wanted to involve the kids and make them a part of this work that God is doing in our lives. Showing our kids (and others too) practical ways we can practice what God is showing us is really important to us... so this is what we did...

We decided to give the kids an allowance. The kids work really hard around the house. They all have chores to do and for the most part they do them with sweet spirits and little complaint. Because we have seen how hard they have worked this past year we were okay with giving them a little compensation for their efforts with the intent of using the allowance to teach them about budgeting and being a wise steward with what God gives you. They will each receive 1/4 of their age per week (I told you it was a little compensation!). From that amt. they must tithe 10%, save 70% and can spend 20%. We thank Ben's parents for helping us with the percentages. It's what they did with their kids and I don't know about the others but it was a good system for Ben! We have also told them that for each need or want they have whether it is new sneakers or a new Lego set, we would pray about it and give God time to provide it in a way where we can get the item for the best deal possible instead of going out and just buying it brand new. We want the kids to see that God is ABLE to provide ANY need we have and as we as a family purpose to live this way, we are excited to see what God will show us. Keeping eternity in view will allow us to be more thoughtful on what we spend our money on and hopefully give us even more resources to give back to God. One passage from the chapter on John Wesley read:

“When you [John Wesley] were a young man, you made 30 pounds; you lived on 28 pounds and had 2 pounds to give away. The next year, you doubled your money to 60 pounds, but you still lived on 28 so you had 32 to give away. And when you made 120 pounds a year, you still lived on 28 and gave away 92!" John Wesley laughed and said, "I call it Kingdom economics!" ~Hero Tales by Dave & Neta Jackson

For Ben and I, of course there are set bills that have to be paid but aside from those things we are responding to the convicting of the Holy Spirit and leaving our budget and spending in Gods hands. We do not know what the future holds and there may come a day where we will have to live on less out of necessity; being convicted to live on little and need little may just be a blessing for the future that we have yet to understand! God always moves with a purpose and a plan and while I know becoming more disciplined in this area will not always be easy, I am excited to see God's plan worked out.  

A Time for a Funny Story

It's been awhile since I've taken the time to sit down and write something funny one or all of the kids has done. It's the last day of school today and it was not without its funny incident at the bus stop! 

Side Story: My amazing neighbors, for the past 6 years beginning when Noah was in Kindergarten, have put my kids on the bus at the group stop for us. This has made it so that I don't have to get all the kids dressed up and in the truck to go to the bus stop and has been an incredible blessing and help; especially during the times I had a newborn to care for. Since the weather is nicer and they want to get up to their camp earlier, I have been putting the boys on the bus two days a week for a few weeks now and it is for this reason I was fortunate enough to have this story to share! A big thank you goes out to my neighbors; we should all be so lucky as to have an "Ed & Elaine" living next door. 

Our new 6th, 5th & 3rd graders!

I was sitting in the truck as the bus was pulling up. The boys had begun getting out of the truck and because I couldn't see what was happening on the other side, just assumed ALL the boys were getting their bags and heading onto the bus. I only saw two get on and I knew the bus driver was smiling and mouthing something to me but I just assumed she was saying, "Have a great summer!" and smiled and nodded at her. A few seconds pass and she's still laughing and I see that one of the boys hasn't gotten on the bus and I'm really confused because I don't see him anywhere. I get out and ask her, "did he get on?" and she laughs, points behind me and says, "He's peeing! I was telling you, boys will be boys!" Sure enough, there's the boy heading my way thinking nothing of the fact that he was peeing....out in the open....and with a big toothy grin got on the bus as though nothing had happened. 

I was so shocked I couldn't even muster up words to say to him. I admit this is not the first time one of them has had to pee at the bus stop but I make them go farther into the woods and get behind a tree...sorry Ed & Elaine! Why this particular time he thought right beside the truck door would be a good spot is beyond me. I also don't understand why one of his brothers didn't stop him; they must have thought it was an appropriate spot too?

We're the Cyr family and apparently we like to leave our mark...in more ways then one! 

Happy Summer! 

If you liked this story, you might also like the post A Time for Rocks when Noah put a rock in his ear at school...and how we got it out.

A Time to Let Go of Excuses!

He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy. 

~Proverbs 28:13

So the Lord has given me another opportunity to be transparent with all of you....great for you, not so great for me! I do love transparency. Some of the women I admire most are the ones who have been willing to mentor me through transparency. It speaks volumes and can often help but for the person who has to do the revealing, it's not always fun. As I share this, please don't get the impression that this is the first time something like this has happened to us; I just felt led to share this particular incident and highlight a couple valuable life lesson I am trying to ingrain in my children. 

No names will be shared but some of the details need to be brought out for better understanding. There was a band field trip. It was at an amusement park. It was a well-deserved reward for some hard work during this school year. It may come as a shock to you but for my two who were on this trip, it was their first time at a place like this because well....amusement parks with 7 little children are just too overwhelming for me. I was thrilled for my two boys to have this opportunity because it means I don't have to bring them, ha! We've done Storyland but this place had big rides, for big kids! They were so excited for this trip, and I don't blame them. I knew that my two boys would be in the same group and I knew who their chaperone was going to be; I couldn't have been more thrilled with the situation. 

It never occurred to me that morning to have a talk to my boys about their behavior on this trip, to respect the people in charge of them and to just overall behave and be mindful of what our expectations are. While they are not perfect by any means, this is an area these two generally don't struggle with. So I sent them on their way with a cheerful goodbye and skipped the pep talk. Whether it was a mistake or not I'll never know; it’s possible the outcome would have been the same had they had it. I was so excited to pick them up at the end of the day and hear all about the fun they had; I knew it would be an evening full of stories. It was full of stories alright; just not the ones I was thinking of!

When they got into the car the first thing one of the boys said when I asked how it went was, "Well, the chaperone was probably upset with me for not being patient; I was just really excited to be there". Alright, I thought, a little excitement is expected so I didn't say much about it. I decided I would just text her when I got home and make sure things had gone well. Lets just say her version of the story and the one I was getting were different. When I questioned said child and read the text to him that said he had taken off on her three times he looked at me confused and said that he hadn't run off on her. Life lesson #1: Children are always guilty until proven innocent; except in cases where they are accusing an adult of harming them (in those cases, parents should always believe the child and investigate). So with that in mind I went back to my friend and made it clear that I believed her but not being there I was going to need more details so I could get to the bottom of this; and she obliged. When I read to my child the first instance he ran off he immediately made an excuse. Life lesson #2: NO EXCUSES! Own your behavior and take responsibility for your actions. I immediately called him on his excuse making and explained that what he thought was considered ASKING her was actually TELLING her. The two are not the same and I made it clear to him that he did, in fact, take off on her. He knew better to give me any excuses on the next two points and so after a little scolding, a little reminding and a little scripture to reinforce what I was teaching I then had him sit down to write the chaperone an apology. Life lesson #3: Teach your kids at a young age to apologize and ask forgiveness. 

Why am I sharing this? Because making excuses is one of my biggest pet-peeves and I see it all too often. How many times have you heard a parent make an excuse for a child who is behaving poorly? How many times do we see adults making excuses for themselves? I could have done it in this case. I could have said, "Weeeellll, he was just so excited. Relax a little!" The bottom line and what I want my kids to understand is that we have the power, with the help of the Holy Spirit to rein in our emotions and our bodies. We don't have to get out of control, we don't have to be impatient, and we don't have to throw tantrums because we can have control over those things. Generally speaking, we choose our behaviors and I begin teaching this to my children as soon as I know they understand the words coming out of my mouth. That means my two-year-old does not have the luxury of throwing a fit just because he's two and not getting his way or is over-tired. If we begin teaching our kids young these very important character traits (or fruits of the spirit, Gal.5:22-23) then hopefully by the time they are adults they are the kind of adults who can take ownership of their actions and not instantly fall back on excuses. My hope is that my kids grow to be the kind of people who are able to say, "I'm sorry" and really mean it. That instead of blaming circumstances and people for bad choices they will be able to examine their own hearts admit they were wrong. 

I'm also sharing this because it was a reminder to me that parenting never ends and it requires constant prayer. Even when you think you've done a really good job instilling principles in your kids, they will still make mistakes. When there are several kids (and I'm sure it happens in situations with fewer children) there are several areas needing attention all at the same time and it can get overwhelming. I was reminded that my two older boys are not adults yet and while they are great kids and generally make good choices, they still need lots of prayer, direction and guidance. It's so easy to get focused on the younger ones because they need so much from you but that incident was a reminder that I really need to work on balancing my attention and realize that my older kids need me just as much as my younger ones do. It was a lesson in humility for sure and reminded me once again, to be extending grace to other moms; the same kind of grace I need. I'm most certainly thankful for this particular chaperone's grace in the situation; it made a discouraging moment a little easier to bear. The great news is there will be more field trips and more opportunities for them to put into practice the principles we are trying to instill in them. They will fail; they will succeed. How they handle those successes and failures will be the fruit of our labors!